Is a relationship worth salvaging when you know, deep down, you’re past the point of repair? How can you tell if you’re ready to move on or that one foot you have in the door is there for a reason?
Relationships are built on trust, respect, productive communication, compatibility, and honesty. Phew! That seems like a lot to have for a healthy relationship to work but, without these foundational building blocks and when it’s one sided, you simply are settling and in it for the wrong reasons. It takes two to tango and this phrase isn’t spared when it comes to the health of your relationship.
Every single relationship has a sliver. That one thing that trips you up, makes you double think your choices, and also, makes you work hard to get it out. When you’re picking and prodding at that sliver, yet the other person is gently pushing it back in, it’s time to rethink your efforts.
Building solid relationships seems harder than it did a decade ago.
This is actually a good thing. With so much more information out there targeted at not settling in relationships, building your self-worth, dealing with your own trauma to benefit your relationships, and the how’s around making a relationship work, it can seem daunting and it’s so much easier to coast through and hope for the best.
I met a lady who told me she was done with her relationship. Her partner worked hard, they had okay communication, and intimacy was, well, they weren’t struggling in that department. However, she wasn’t happy with his tendency to spend all of his pay cheque, drink his weekends away, and had no drive to take care of himself.
Yet, her foot was in the door. She desperately held onto his good qualities and allowed resentment to build for the habits he had fallen into. She tried to talk to him about these issues and he always promised to do better. He never did. She realized that he wasn’t ready to change, and her life was quickly passing her by. She chose herself and is now happier than ever. Her ex-husband still hasn’t changed and is also happy.
Situations such as this calls into question why she was staying. It was for the comfort, the memories, future built together and hope for change. If this situation had gone the other way and her husband had taken the route to better himself plus work together on their relationship, she would have stayed. Again, it takes two to tango and sometimes you have to choose if it’s worth dancing at all.
The one thing you have control over is doing your part. You can seek professional help for your own traumas, understand your attachment styles, and know your expectations and standards. From there, you get to decide what kind of relationship you want. Know that anyone you are in a relationship with whether it’s an intimate partner, co-worker, friend, or family will also have their own standards and expectations. This is where open communication and working to build a collaborative and positive path comes in.
Know your worth, listen to your gut, and always question why one foot may be out the door.