It has always struck me as odd that people wait for one specific day each year to shower their loved ones with gifts, be extra nice (or nice at all) and spend time together.
Sending flowers and making a dinner reservation doesn’t erase the hurtful words spoken, emotional unavailability and crumby sex life. Why do couples suck it up for one day a year, only to let it all go come Feb. 15?
Unless you absolutely can’t stand your significant other (which raises the question of why you’re with them in the first place), showing your love daily is far more impactful than waiting for ‘Love Day’ to cram it all in.
How can you treat every day like Valentine’s Day, consistently make your partner feel like they’re #1, and receive the same in return?
Easy.
You both just have to be open to change, drop the ego-driven opinions, and do the work.
The first often missed, but most effective tool, is attached to your head: your ears. Listen. Many people are programmed to be thinking about their next answer or defence before the other person has finished speaking. They aren’t listening. This is classic with children. A child comes with a question and the parent is already primed with an answer before the child has communicated their feelings.
I’ve been guilty of this and it takes patience to change this knee-jerk reaction, but it’s not impossible. Actively listening to your partner talk about their day, issues they may be struggling with or communicating issues within the relationship can make a simple conversation go from fighting a battle to sharing in problem solving strategies and the gratification that comes with being heard. Not feeling heard, being talked over, being dismissed — all of that breaks connection. Show your love daily by simply closing your mouth and opening your ears.
Are you a lover of gifts, back rubs, or just want quiet time spent together? Maybe you just need someone to help you out at home or compliment you on a job well done. Know your partner’s love language and practice it daily. You can find this easily by searching online. Find yours then continue reading.
Whatever your love language is, trade it with your partner. It’s just as important to know theirs. Use this to feed them their form of love every single day. I know I love it when my gas tank is suddenly full (main task I avoid!) or when hugs and touch are plenty. This language fills my bucket and I do the same for those in my life when I know their ideal way of receiving love. When you aren’t shown love the way you need it, your fuel tank empties pretty quickly. This links back to point #1: listening. Hear what your partner is asking for, what excites them, and you’ve got their love language (and way to their heart) in your back pocket.
Compliments, planning surprises, time spent alone, or visits at work with coffee keep the love alive and show you are thinking of the other person. Send a sexy text even if you’ve been together for 20 years. Leave sticky notes in hidden places with a simple I love you. When you both work at an 80 per cent capacity, all bases are covered. Doing the work to express your love for the other person takes time, creativity and patience but so do all relationships that are healthy and thriving.
Show appreciation. This is a stickler for so many in a fast-paced world. Even if you enjoy making lunches daily, doing laundry, running errands for others, or cleaning up after everyone has gone to bed, having someone notice and express appreciation communicates love and builds connection. When it’s always you doing it and everyone else goes about their day not even noticing when, miraculously, laundry is done and dinner is on the table, resentment can build.
This is where noticing what your loved ones are doing and expressing your appreciation comes in handy. Saying thank you is so powerful and often overlooked as a simple gesture of gratitude and love for being taken care of. I know I love taking care of others who come back and thank me for taking the time. You won’t think twice about spreading your love when it’s appreciated.
Being respectful is paramount in building a solid foundation for love to grow. When your time, voice, thoughts and opinion are respected, you relax, enter a calm, connected conversation and thrive. Even if disagreement happens, structurally reviewing the topic at hand and coming to a resolution together is far superior to talking over each other, raising voices, waving the other person away, etc. With time in mind, it’s precious.
There aren’t enough hours in the day and when your partner is chronically late or doesn’t respect your time sensitive needs, you feel disrespected and your desire to show up for them diminishes. An issue like this though, ties into communicating your needs and dislikes for change to happen. Showing respect shows your love for the other person and they will reflect this in return.
If you’re reading this and find it’s too hard to imagine giving love in these ways or the idea of your partner doing the same for you, it’s a sign of disconnect and work needs to be done. You can read about that here: https://www.nnsl.com/news/certified-life-coach-shares-practices-to-keep-relationships-healthy-7273134
And check this out for taking the first steps to building a loving, healthy relationship or here (emotional reconnecting): https://www.nnsl.com/opinion/advice-reconnecting-at-an-emotional-level-7273480